Exploring ‘Firstborn’: A Touching Memoir by Lauren Christensen

Overview of ‘Firstborn’

In her poignant memoir, Firstborn, Lauren Christensen recounts the profound emotional journey following the stillbirth of her daughter, Simone, at 22 weeks into her pregnancy. This narrative not only highlights the depths of loss but also underscores the dual experiences of joy and grief shared between mother and child.

A Journey of Unexpected Discoveries

Christensen begins her narrative as she navigates through her 30s, unveiling unforeseen events that lead her on a path of love and heartache. While working as an editor at The New York Times Book Review, she develops an unexpected fondness for a novel with a taxi-yellow cover. Feeling inspired, she praises the book to a colleague, despite struggling to recall its title. This book, identified by astute readers as Gabriel Bump’s Everywhere You Don’t Belong, becomes a catalyst for her journey towards love.

The Blossoming of a New Relationship

After her enthusiastic review, Christensen connects with Bump on Twitter, and their relationship flourishes through video chats during the Covid lockdowns. Their romance culminates in a shared commitment as they purchase a home together, marking a significant milestone in their lives.

Complexities of Motherhood

As she contemplates motherhood, Christensen reflects on her mixed emotions regarding having a child. She conveys the internal struggle she faces, revealing how she evaluates her desires. “A life with Gabe alone seemed to me as full as a life could possibly be,” she acknowledges, while her therapist points out the implications of her choices, suggesting that her lack of birth control indicates an openness to pregnancy.

Forewarned by Reality’s Fragility

From the outset of her pregnancy, Christensen is reminded of the fragility of life. While she navigates medical appointments, her family simultaneously supports her grandfather, Gong Gong, who is experiencing the challenges of Parkinson’s disease at the end of his life. Through this lens, Christensen reflects on the unpredictable nature of existence, expressing that “despite our delusions, none of us ever had much control over our lives, or our deaths, at all.” This realization becomes a recurring theme in her memoir.

Conclusion

In Firstborn, Christensen compellingly intertwines experiences of love and loss, illuminating the journey of motherhood amidst profound grief. Her memoir not only serves as a tribute to her daughter Simone but also resonates with anyone who has grappled with the complexities of life, love, and the unpredictable nature of our existence.